All this birth certificate silliness reminds me of when I had to get a Colorado Drivers License

Back in 2006 I briefly lived in Denver (Lakewood actually, but no-one actually wants to admit that.) I went down to the DMV one day to trade in my California Drivers License for a Colorado one.

I walk up to the nice lady at the counter, California License and US Passport in hand and say "hi, I would like a Colorado Drivers License." She then informs me that I do not have enough proof that I am legally residing in the United States and I cannot have a Colorado Drivers License.

I mean I know I look like a terrorist, but I thought a UNITED STATES PASSPORT that clearly states I was born in California would be sufficient.

Apparently not…

She informs me that I need a birth certificate to prove my citizenship because a passport is not enough. I try to explain to her that I needed a birth certificate to get said passport, but apparently a document that is accepted by THE ENTIRE WORLD is not accepted in Colorado.

OK fine, whatever…

I call my mom back in San Francisco and ask her if she can pop down to the hall of records and get me a birth certificate. She does, and 3 days later I pop down to the Colorado DMV, birth certificate in hand, to get my Colorado Drivers License.

I talk to a new, nice lady (with a mullet) who now tells me that my birth certificate is no good. I ask her "how is this possible? I have a notarized certificate of live birth, I know people consider San Francisco a Communist Country, but it's still part of the United States."

Mullet lady is not amused…

She tells me that I have produced a city birth certificate and they only accept county birth certificates. I try to explain to her that San Francisco is a city/county which means that they are the same entity, just like, umm, I don't know…. DENVER. She then asks me if San Francisco is the Capitol of California, to this I reply "no, Sacramento is, why is this relevant?" She tells me that Denver is the Capitol of Colorado and that's why it's also a city/county.

OK, thanks for that, can I have my license or not?

She then goes to her supervisor and they closely inspect my obviously shady document. After about 10 minutes, she comes out and says they'll make an exception and let me have a Colorado license. She then asks me if I'd like to register to vote as well, I say "yes, that would be great."

She then says: "are you a US Citizen?"